Last year, we drove our youngest daughter to college in Idaho. We stopped in Salt Lake City and attended a session before it closed it's doors in December for a massive four year renovation. I was pondering my children and was concerned about their testimony and whether they would remain active in the gospel.
It was just before entering the celestial room that I received an answer that acted as a balm and gave me courage. I realized that through the power of the priesthood (our family having been sealed in the temple) that somehow, all would be well as long as we continued to strive towards perfection. It has been said that as long as our feet are on the pathway towards the Lord when our mortality ended, that the atonement would make our works sufficient.
It is the hardest thing to allow our children to grow up and make their own choices. It's so hard to remember all the false starts and ill-thought-out decisions we made at their age. It requires so much faith to believe they will grow out of their youth and return to the Lord. But I believe the Spirit has whispered to me to trust the power of the Priesthood to be upon my family, so I falteringly move forward and hope that I can be the parent they need.
Sunday 2 February 2020
I dreamed a dream or in other words, I had a vision 1990
When I was about 27 I had a dream, but it was so much more like a vision. The dream was so vivid and wasn't disjoined like a regular dream. I'll just tell it the way I remember it so perfectly.
The first I remember I was in an operating room watching as doctors and nurses were frantically working over a person on a table. As they bustled about, I saw the person they were trying to recesitate was ME and I was watching this from the corner ceiling of the operating theater. I was distraught as I watched them insert needles and tubes into my body, the body which had ALWAYS served me well. My heart had always beat strong and regularly, my lungs had breathed without any thought on my part, but now it was betraying me. I was so upset, worrying about my 2 young daughters and who would care for them.
As I looked away to my left, the operating room faded and I saw darkness. When I had turned 180 degrees, I was in a plain room and the things I was thinking about all of a sudden became absurd, silly worries. A laugh burbled from my throat as I, remembering how foolish it was to worry about such childish things, and said, "Oh yeah!" remembering with a certainty that everything was already taken care of. Then I noticed that in a simple chair sat a woman that I have never seen before with my mortal eyes. As my glance fell on her I joyfully cried, "Mother!" and ran to her, sitting at her feet and placing my head in her lap. She spoke to me, telling me important things that I remember thinking, "I need to remember this."
The next part of my dream finds me in a restaurant with Michelle and Kimmy's father and his parents. I was in great humor thinking how great it was that I had been resurrected and was visiting with my earthly family. I was very animated as I mentioned to them my new immortal state. I remembered feeling so unafraid. I was unafraid of death because I knew how fantastic it was to leave the mortal existence. But they looked at each other and I could tell something was up. I asked what was going on and they looked like they didn't know who should tell me. Finally, my mother-in-law told me that I hadn't died, that the doctors were able to save me, but that I had an aneurism in my brain and that one day it would burst and I would die instantly. I was so ANGRY! So angry at those doctors for pulling me away from my afterlife. I felt the mortal mantle of fear begin to settle around me as I realized I was going to have to die.
I got home and my two preschool children were there, needing to be fed, to be dressed, to be cared for and all I could do was think, "I've got to write down my life for them so when I leave, they will know me. I was trying to wipe a face and find something to write on, but only came up with a piece of an envelope to write on.
Then I woke up, knowing that keeping a journal for my children was the most important thing I could leave them. So here I am, nearly 20 years later doing just that. And those things "Mother" told me about that I wanted to remember were veiled from my memory, but I testify, when she told me them, it was amazing and made so much sense and I know when I return, I WILL remember.
The first I remember I was in an operating room watching as doctors and nurses were frantically working over a person on a table. As they bustled about, I saw the person they were trying to recesitate was ME and I was watching this from the corner ceiling of the operating theater. I was distraught as I watched them insert needles and tubes into my body, the body which had ALWAYS served me well. My heart had always beat strong and regularly, my lungs had breathed without any thought on my part, but now it was betraying me. I was so upset, worrying about my 2 young daughters and who would care for them.
As I looked away to my left, the operating room faded and I saw darkness. When I had turned 180 degrees, I was in a plain room and the things I was thinking about all of a sudden became absurd, silly worries. A laugh burbled from my throat as I, remembering how foolish it was to worry about such childish things, and said, "Oh yeah!" remembering with a certainty that everything was already taken care of. Then I noticed that in a simple chair sat a woman that I have never seen before with my mortal eyes. As my glance fell on her I joyfully cried, "Mother!" and ran to her, sitting at her feet and placing my head in her lap. She spoke to me, telling me important things that I remember thinking, "I need to remember this."
The next part of my dream finds me in a restaurant with Michelle and Kimmy's father and his parents. I was in great humor thinking how great it was that I had been resurrected and was visiting with my earthly family. I was very animated as I mentioned to them my new immortal state. I remembered feeling so unafraid. I was unafraid of death because I knew how fantastic it was to leave the mortal existence. But they looked at each other and I could tell something was up. I asked what was going on and they looked like they didn't know who should tell me. Finally, my mother-in-law told me that I hadn't died, that the doctors were able to save me, but that I had an aneurism in my brain and that one day it would burst and I would die instantly. I was so ANGRY! So angry at those doctors for pulling me away from my afterlife. I felt the mortal mantle of fear begin to settle around me as I realized I was going to have to die.
I got home and my two preschool children were there, needing to be fed, to be dressed, to be cared for and all I could do was think, "I've got to write down my life for them so when I leave, they will know me. I was trying to wipe a face and find something to write on, but only came up with a piece of an envelope to write on.
Then I woke up, knowing that keeping a journal for my children was the most important thing I could leave them. So here I am, nearly 20 years later doing just that. And those things "Mother" told me about that I wanted to remember were veiled from my memory, but I testify, when she told me them, it was amazing and made so much sense and I know when I return, I WILL remember.
He will direct us 1988
The next time I really remember the Lord answering prayers was when I had my own baby, Michelle. She was 18 months or so and needed to get her immunization shots. We had an appointment at the health center and I needed to be on time. The problem was, I couldn't find my car keys. We lived in a small 2 bedroom apartment, simply furnished. I looked EVERYWHERE for those keys, but they were literally not to be found They weren't in my purse, the diaper bag, the counter, the dresser. I was going to miss her appointment if I didn't find those keys. In desperation, I knelt down and told Heavenly Father my problem. I told him how important this appointment was and asked for him to help me find the keys. As I stood up, I looked around the bedroom but no inspiration was finding its way into my mind. I half heartedly checked the dresser tops again, wandered out into the living area and thought, "Look in the book case." I glanced at the top of the 2 foot book case but the keys obviously weren't there. I knelt down and put my hand behind the books thinking this was the most ridiculous place to look, knowing I would never put the keys there. And yet, there they were! As I pulled the keys out and hustled to make my appointment, I realized that Michelle must have found the keys and put them there. I was SO incredibly grateful for the Lord inspiring me to look for those keys in a place I would never have looked on my own. This was another testimony to me that God wants us to come to him even with our smallest concerns and he will direct us for our good.
The Still Small Voice 1980
I think the very first and most clear experiences I've ever had was when I was about 16. I was babysitting for the O'Banions. They were members of our church and as far as I could gauge, the richest, most beautiful people on the planet. I was always happy to babysit so I could make a little cash, so I wanted to do such a good job, they would ALWAYS ask me to be their babysitter.
They had a little boy about 6-9 months old and a little girl about 2-3 years old. I wanted to follow to the letter the directions they gave me. I put their son to bed exactly as directed and everything was going fine. Then I put the daughter to bed, but she started fretting and crying and that wasn't working so well. I finally got her to bed but then little brother woke up. I tried everything I knew to get him settled but he just cried and cried. I took him downstairs to get him a bottle, which he refused. I tried walking and singing softly to him but he cried on. I was so worried the O'Banions would come home and see I was an inept babysitter and never have me back. I remember holding that baby boy in my arms and kneeling down in their living room asking the Lord for help. As I stood up, I heard clearly and distinctly in my left ear the words, "Put him to bed, he will be fine." I turned my head to the left to see who it was who had spoken so clearly to me. I HEARD it. No one was there in that empty living room, I knew I had just heard the Spirit of the Lord speak to me. I walked up those steps, put that poor screaming boy in his crib, turned off the light and closed the door. I went down to the kitchen where the baby monitor was located and listened fearfully as he cried. What if the O[Banion's walked in and witnessed me doing nothing while their son was crying? Within a minute, the cries settled and then silence as he fell asleep. I was SO grateful for the answer to my worried prayer. It has been a testimony to me that the Lord hears and answers our prayers, even if they are just simple problems.
They had a little boy about 6-9 months old and a little girl about 2-3 years old. I wanted to follow to the letter the directions they gave me. I put their son to bed exactly as directed and everything was going fine. Then I put the daughter to bed, but she started fretting and crying and that wasn't working so well. I finally got her to bed but then little brother woke up. I tried everything I knew to get him settled but he just cried and cried. I took him downstairs to get him a bottle, which he refused. I tried walking and singing softly to him but he cried on. I was so worried the O'Banions would come home and see I was an inept babysitter and never have me back. I remember holding that baby boy in my arms and kneeling down in their living room asking the Lord for help. As I stood up, I heard clearly and distinctly in my left ear the words, "Put him to bed, he will be fine." I turned my head to the left to see who it was who had spoken so clearly to me. I HEARD it. No one was there in that empty living room, I knew I had just heard the Spirit of the Lord speak to me. I walked up those steps, put that poor screaming boy in his crib, turned off the light and closed the door. I went down to the kitchen where the baby monitor was located and listened fearfully as he cried. What if the O[Banion's walked in and witnessed me doing nothing while their son was crying? Within a minute, the cries settled and then silence as he fell asleep. I was SO grateful for the answer to my worried prayer. It has been a testimony to me that the Lord hears and answers our prayers, even if they are just simple problems.
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