Friday, 24 August 2012

The End is Near

Art Camp

The title might lead you to believe I'm talking about the whole gloomy 2012 Mayan Calender/end of the world thing. Nothing could be further from the truth; it's a rallying cry to all you stay-at-home moms who have trudged through NINETY, sweltering, endless days of summer vacation and never once had Child Protective Services called to your home.  School is just around the corner! Summer is almost over! The finish line is within sight!  Make it your mantra as the little darlings bicker about  who actually saw the slug-bug first, or when they're disputing precisely what would happen if we were sucked into a black hole, or what Santa might or might not deem acceptable on a Christmas list.  Congratulate yourself for having been a successful cruise director on a seemingly interminable voyage with surly, impatient, egomaniacs as your passengers.

 I  suggest you nonchalantly have your kids reminisce with you all the fun things you did together (chalk drawing, making cookies, going to the matinee, water pad, pool, picnics etc).  Seriously.  Get out a big poster board and write it all out, then have them color  pictures by each event.  Why?  Because on the first day of school, the teacher is going to ask them what they did for summer vacation and they are going to draw a blank and write something like, "we didn't do anything except watch TV and play video games."   It doesn't matter if you took them on a voyage to the space station Meir, they.will.NOT.remember!   Forewarned is forearmed, people.
4th of July Parade
Cub Scout Camp
Lemonade Stand

Dallas Trip


Sunday, 12 August 2012


We've been living in these here parts for well over a year now so we've had time to learn a few things.  First off, deer are protected and therefore very prolific in our neighborhood.  We toss all our fruit and veggie peelings in the back yard and within 30 minutes, we have at least 2 or 3 deer nibbling away.  Sometimes, we even hand feed a few of the tamer ones.  When we have guests over, they get all giddy if they go out Mama the doe eats right out of their hands.  It's really awesome until you realize that not only will they eat your watermelon rinds in the summer and your jack-o-lantern leavings in the fall, but everything you might plant all year long.  Rats with hooves every.single.oneofthem.

In the spring, we have March of the Tarantulas.  Apparently they migrate every year RIGHT PAST OUR HOME.  Really freaky until you find out that  they aren't poisonous (much), nor  aggressive, and they will kill scorpions--who are about six notches higher on the creepy scale than tarantulas.  What, you didn't know there was a Creep-o-Meter?  It varies from region to region, but in Texas lake country it looks like this:
10. Wolf spiders (they're big but not big time poisonous)
  9. Cockroaches (you know, the really BIG ones-*shiver*)
  8. Tarantulas (big and hairy, but the only ones on the list that kills another item on the list)
  7. Ticks (courtesy of the deer)
  6. Mosquitos (the whole West Nile hysteria)
  5. Wasps and Africanized bees  (very grumpy and stingy)
  4. Centipedes (they've been supersized and measure between 8-12")
  3. Scorpions (Satan's little minions)
  2. Rattle snakes (at least they give you a warning)
  1. Water Moccasins (who are aggressive and territorial which makes swimming in the lake an adventure every.SINGLE. time)

On the domestic side of Critterville is the pooch.  He's fluffy on the outside but all ninja on the inside.  He'll take on anything from a Great Dane to a tarantula.  We make sure he's inside come nightfall so he doesn't become a cougar hors d'oeuvres.  Yep, there's been sightings of the big cats here.  So though he runs off the local yokels with ferocious glee (squirrels, deer and the occasional cat), he never fails to welcome all humans as long lost pals. It's embarrassing, really.

One of the newer additions to our family is a Fancy Russian Dwarf Hamster named Misty.  She's so soft, you want to have 3,000 just like her so you can skin them and make a nice fur coat...but you wouldn't of course because that would be vile and inhumane and ooooh soooo plush...

Also, as of last month, we have two she-rats.  They've got names, but I just call them Poopy Pants and Not  So Poopy Pants.  Because they poop. On you.  Repeatedly. While you're holding them.    They're not pictured here because they are quick and inquisitive--a bad combination when trying to take pictures. Ask any parent of a two-year-old.

I know the kids will give this entry poor reviews if I fail to mention we also have two Japanese Fighting Fish. In separate tanks, of course so all you PETA gorillas can stand down.  You can Google it if you want to see them.  Oh, never mind, here's a link because you and I both know you're not going to look it up:

It is my sincere hope that there will be no more beasties added to our menagerie.  Hannah would very much like to keep a gecko and a lizard but has grudgingly conceded to a "catch and release" program.  I wouldn't mind a gecko loose in the house since they prey upon bugs, but I draw the line at salmonella. I know...  I'm heartless.