Sunday, 18 April 2010

HRH's New Subject

Have you ever tried to explain the time continuum to a child? If you have, you'll know it's on the far side of impossible to do with any kind of elegance. Logan has been asking about our upcoming trip to England. It's still three weeks away, which to a 5 year old is equivalent to the better half an eon. He also insists upon using the phrase, "the other day" which like the word "aloha" can mean any number of things, such as "tomorrow" or "yesterday" or "a long time ago", casting further shadows on the already nebulous determination of exactly when something will transpire. Here's how our most recent Pending Vacation conversation went down:

LOGAN: When we ah goin' to Englin?
ME: In May (thankfully, now Logan knows the months of the year, a real asset when trying to convey, with exactness, when an event will take place)
LOGAN: The other day? (hmm. I guess knowing the months of the year didn't help as much as I had anticipated)
ME: No, in three weeks (To further clarify, I sing the days of the week song, 3 times in a row, to the tune of "Macarena")
HANNAH: Am I going to be in England for my birthday?
ME: No, we'll be home by then.
LOGAN: (whining): NO! I want stay to Englin fo' EVoh
ME: We can't because we don't have a job there
LOGAN: (stubbornly): Well I juss gonna stay. I no come back!

So, not only did I fail to answer the question satisfactorily, I also incited my child to seek asylum in a foreign land. He's a small boy, I doubt Her Majesty will ever notice us leaving her lovely island country minus one child.

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