Plans

Do you remember that wonderful sense of heady intoxication you felt experiencing some of life's simplest pleasures? You know, like getting to stay up late on a dusky summer night chasing fireflies, or that amazing sense of wonder and excitement at the sight of your Christmas tree all lit up? Tonight, a glimmer of that magical anticipation resurfaced when I was fortunate enough to hear Hannah excitedly confide to her brother that she was planning to be a vampire for Halloween, a scant 179 days from now (I know, it totally snuck up on me, too)! Not one to be caught unprepared, Logan promptly responded, "I going be a peh-wit." Following this, um, unusual announcement, he added the following codicil: "A good peh-wit." So that evil parrot Halloween outfit that immediately popped into your head when he first mentioned his costume choice...forget about it.

Awesome Transformers

Before I forget, I need to tell you about Logan's latest super hero obsession. Those of us in the Circle of Trust know that when he was 4, it was Spider Man. When he turned 5, it was Ironman. Then came Bumblebee from the Transformers. Just recently, he is all about the Transformer's 'bot in charge. Who might that be, you ask? Some of you Transformer buffs might incorrectly think you know that answer to be Optimus Prime. I can understand your confusion, as six months ago, Logan too was under the impression that the head autobot's name was "Officer" Prime. Now that he is almost 6 years old and knows WAY more words, he realizes that the name has actually been "Awesomous" Prime all along. Now you no longer need call him by the wrong name any further...You're welcome.

HRH's New Subject

Have you ever tried to explain the time continuum to a child? If you have, you'll know it's on the far side of impossible to do with any kind of elegance. Logan has been asking about our upcoming trip to England. It's still three weeks away, which to a 5 year old is equivalent to the better half an eon. He also insists upon using the phrase, "the other day" which like the word "aloha" can mean any number of things, such as "tomorrow" or "yesterday" or "a long time ago", casting further shadows on the already nebulous determination of exactly when something will transpire. Here's how our most recent Pending Vacation conversation went down:

LOGAN: When we ah goin' to Englin?
ME: In May (thankfully, now Logan knows the months of the year, a real asset when trying to convey, with exactness, when an event will take place)
LOGAN: The other day? (hmm. I guess knowing the months of the year didn't help as much as I had anticipated)
ME: No, in three weeks (To further clarify, I sing the days of the week song, 3 times in a row, to the tune of "Macarena")
HANNAH: Am I going to be in England for my birthday?
ME: No, we'll be home by then.
LOGAN: (whining): NO! I want stay to Englin fo' EVoh
ME: We can't because we don't have a job there
LOGAN: (stubbornly): Well I juss gonna stay. I no come back!

So, not only did I fail to answer the question satisfactorily, I also incited my child to seek asylum in a foreign land. He's a small boy, I doubt Her Majesty will ever notice us leaving her lovely island country minus one child.

It's Happened

When we first got to Texas, all the kids and teachers at school commented on Hannah's darling English accent -- which I had a hard time hearing, but, whatever...However, yesterday while we were in the car, this is what I heard her say, " Ah juss kay-yant." Yes, she WAS speaking English, but whatever semblance of cultured English she had gleaned while living overseas is gone. She is now speaking Texan, the language where you take a one syllable word and stretch it into two, sometimes three syllables. For those of you who are still baffled by her statement, she was attempting to say, "I just can't." Charming.

Martians

If men are indeed from Mars, then that planet is no place for the faint of heart or delicate of spirit. I say this because of an incident that occurred last summer when Dan had just arrived from Iraq. Hannah had come bounding into our room the first morning of his return. She was so happy to have her daddy back and was jubilantly getting Dan up to speed on all the news of her very busy new life in Texas. While she basked in her father's attention, I studied her animated face, noting how endearing her smile was. She had lost her front teeth around Christmas, so by now, they had grown in, making her look like one of those adorable, animated Chipettes. I interrupted her happy chatter by saying, "What cute teeth you have!" Dan asked to see them and upon inspection, declared, "Man! You could cut a tree down with those things!" Stunned by the insensitivity of his remark, I quickly glanced at our little girl to gauge her reaction. The hurt look on Hannah's face and her sudden silence were ominous. She quietly removed herself from the bed and walked out of our room with all the dignity and aplomb of a lady. I hissed at Dan, "Why would you say that to her?" He defensively retorted, "You started it!" Trying to explain that my comment was a compliment while his was tantamount to calling her 'quasimodo' in girl-speak was futile. I quickly followed Hannah and found her face down on her bed crying. I tried to explain to her very delicately and with all manner of political correctness that men are babbling lunatics when it comes to communicating with the fairer sex. Dan came in and apologized profusely, devastated that he had wrought such distress. I explained to Hannah that if Daddy were to have made that statement to another male, it would have been thought immensely cool. So cool in fact, that the hypothetical male might even have tried going out to see if he could indeed, chop a tree down with his new assets. This made Hannah giggle and hopefully innoculated her against all future male "compliments".

Fair Share

At school, both kids eat lunch before noon, so when we picked them up at one to whisk them away to the San Antonio Zoo yesterday, they were near starvation by 4:30. In order to stave off the whininess and bickering that comes with low blood sugar, we bought the requisite $13 bag of popcorn and 12 oz drink to ward off certain death. Luckily, popcorn refills were $1, so we totally scored on THAT deal...

By the end of our second bag of popcorn, Logan, in his unique command of the language complained, "Mama, Hannah eat-uh alla pa-cone." so I tolda Hannah, "Hannah. Don'ta eat-ah alla pa-cone!" I looked down at Logan just then and noticed he had his two hands cupped together FILLED with popcorn; he quickly added with guileless blue eyes, "Also, I had some."

Quid Pro Quo

Monday, we took the kids to the Hard Rock Cafe on the San Antonio Riverwalk. They were pretty miffed we were going there instead of McDonald's, but sometimes in life, we all have to do unpleasant things.

We saw Elvis' karate outfit and Johnny Cash's black duster jacket while eating food three times pricier than the fare found on Mickey D's menu. Luckily, the kid's meal includes a milk shake made with Dreyer's ice cream (for an extra $3), pretty much this establishments only saving grace in their eyes. Miraculously, Logan managed to finish his in record time without a single brain freeze. I helped myself to the dregs of Hannah's shake and had barely stolen my first taste when Logan insisted he wanted a share of his sister's left overs. Teasingly, I held the cup more firmly, turning slightly away from him, feigning I didn't want to share. Insulted, Logan complained, "Hey, I give you flowers Mommy!" reminding me of all the hand picked dandelions he has harvested for my personal enjoyment. Not able to dispute such a lucid argument, I laughingly handed over my ill gotten dessert, thus allowing justice to be served (and tantrum avoided).